THE DOOR KNOB

[lights rise on MIKE and REILLY at the front door of an apartment]

MIKE: I'm telling you: if you touch that door knob you will burn your fricking hand.
REILLY: I don't get burned. Things don't burn me.
MIKE: Who are you? Aqua Man? I'm telling you, Reilly: if you touch that knob you're getting second degree burns.
REILLY: And what if I differ that opinion... Mike?
MIKE: There's a fire raging outside of this apartment. People are jumping from their third-story windows. Now is not the time to get intellectual and existential. We need to find another alternative out of here.
REILLY: I say we go through this door.
MIKE: And I say you're one crazy loon. I'm prying the fire-cage from the kitchen window and jumping from there.
REILLY: Chicken.
MIKE: What?
REILLY: You. You're a chicken.
MIKE: Because I don't want to touch a knob that will burn a hole through my flesh to then walk out into a raging fire to die everlasting death?
REILLY: Exactly. Chicken.
MIKE: Frick you!
REILLY: Typical.
MIKE: What's typical? "Fricking you"?
REILLY: An unwillingness to gamble.
MIKE: Hey, next time we trek it up to Atlantic City for a casual game of Black Jack, I'll gamble then. But right now I'm thinking saving my life from fire burns and blackening my lungs from smoke inhalation... well... I think that takes priority.
REILLY: 1983. Prince, the Time and Vanity 6 come to town. You loved Prince. Prince moved you in a cosmic way. You put purple glitter on the cowlicks of you hair. This man at the mall gave us two free tickets and he offered to drive then chaperone us to the concert. You, Mister Mike, was unwilling to sneak out the backdoor and let the man chaperone us.
MIKE: Because we were 9 years old, Reilly. That man was a complete stranger. Two years later he shows up on the six o'clock news because he abducted four little boys, cut off their feet and buried them behind the Dairy Queen.
REILLY: It was a gamble. And you were unwilling.
MIKE: There's a fire outside that door, right?
REILLY: Yep.
MIKE: We could get burned alive, right?
REILLY: Yep.
MIKE: Our only chance of survival is either breaking off that fire-cage and jumping from the kitchen...
REILLY: Or going through this door.

[MIKE grabs the door-knob, winces from the burn, swings open the door and exits. REILLY follows]

REILLY: See, taking a gamble can be a bit painful, but it could very well save your life.
MIKE: [chocking on smoke] Frick you!

[end of play]

copyright 2007@keith josef adkins
WGA Registration#285609E