Hey Folks. It's Saturday. And I have a confession: Yesterday I let road rage get the best of me. It all started on the corner of Packard and Orange Grove Streets. I pulled up to the four-way, ready to turn left, when this brother in a big hoopty TRUCK pulled up to the four-way as well, but HE barely stopped and DIDN'T GIVE ME MY RIGHT OF WAY! You see where this is going? So I made my left and rode his ass all the way down Orange Grove, speed bumps at all. What he do? Nothing. He didn't even know I was there. He was happily sitting nine feet up in the air, chit-chatting on his cell. So once he got to Whitworth Street he drove forward and I made my sneaky right—if I kept up speed and went my favorite alternate route I could easily cut him off on San Vicente and show him what this L.A. Driver was made of. So right I went, a quick left on Genesse then up to San Vicente where DAMN! some teenager eating a bag of organic chips was walking AS SLOW AS A SNAIL! And there he walked, slow and slower and even slower, ON PURPOSE. I'm telling you it was like he was 95 years old. Anyway, by the time the chip-eating CHICKEN crossed the road, the Hoopty Truck had crossed San Vicente and was heading toward Olympic. My sneaky plan failed. Talk about feeling like a deflated loser. So I kept driving... [I remembered at that point my original mission was to go to Whole Foods and get some lunch: fried organic chicken, sauteed spinach with garlic, and a bag of Uncle Eddie's Vegan Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip Cookies.] I approached this little narrow stretch that separated San Vicente eastbound and San Vicente westbound. I stopped at the stop sign. Quickly let me describe this stretch: westbound San Vicente traffic flows in front of the stop sign; eastbound San Vicente traffic flows behind you, except for a little leftie exit that allows eastbound to connect to westbound [the route the Hoopty Truck took]. You with me? Now, there I was at the stop sign waiting for the eastbounders connecting westbound to finish their connections. They finished. I then looked to my left to see if any traffic was coming so I can make my turn into the westbound. And there was. But one white SUV seemed far away enough to have compassion for a brother like me trying to make that left toward the west. Hell, let be honest: I said to myself he BETTER slow down and let me turn 'cause I needed to exercise my machismo on the road, Punk! So I turned with attitude and when that SUV saw me turning HE SPEEDED UP double notch and was skidding toward my gray Accord, rubber burning and all. And all I could think of was this fool is going to hit my car. Not personal injury, but auto injury. The SUV came literally within two inches from creating a major fender-bender. Let me correct that: Keith came within two inches of creating a major fender-bender. Yes, my selfish-needing-to-feel-like-Grand Daddy-of-San-Vicente looked like a fool. Yes, folks were driving by staring at me, pointing, shaking their heads in disapproval. So what did I do? I did what any humilated jack ass would do. I took my butt home. The End.

Don't let this FOOLISHNESS get the best of you.

Until next time,

Keith